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Columnist: Dedan Tolbert
A Reader’s Question: What’s up, Dedan? I need some advice because I’m in a situation and I feel like my back is up against the wall. I’ve been leading a double life for almost six months now. Here it goes... I’ve been with my girlfriend for a year, but I’ve been sleeping with my son’s mother for three years. Both women know about each other, but my girlfriend doesn’t know that I’ve been unfaithful. My girlfriend and I have a great relationship, and she does everything I could hope for in a girlfriend. Unfortunately, there’s something about my ex that’s making it impossible for me to leave her alone. After careful consideration, I think its my ex’s sexual superiority that’s making it so hard for me to be faithful. I know that I could never get back into a committed relationship with my ex because of certain things that happened in the past. I love my girlfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with her, so my question to you is, how can I let my ex go once and for all and truly commit to my girlfriend and love of my life?
My Advice: Well, the one thing you’re right about is the fact that you are, in fact, leading a double life. Your girlfriend sounds like a very nice person who doesn’t deserve to be lied to and cheated on by someone who she thinks is devoted to her. You claim that you love and care about your woman; therefore, you owe her the right be informed. I’m sure that if she knew about your infidelities, she wouldn’t want to remain in your life one more day. If you know for a fact that you and your ex don’t have a future together and your current girlfriend is who you want to spend the rest of your life with... why would you jeopardize a lifetime of happiness for a casual sexual relationship that’s eventually just going to fade away? That just doesn’t make sense to me. What you and your ex need to do is act like responsible adults and learn how to develop a healthy, stable relationship where you can both be good parents to your son. What kind of example are you setting for your son? Do you want him to grow up thinking that it's ok to cheat and lie to someone he loves? You could be raising a future pimp or wife beater and not even know it. These things, if not worse, are what’s going to happen if the two of your actions continue. True love and happiness is a better feeling than any sexual experience can give you. You said your ex is sexually superior... what you need to be worried about is who’s emotionally superior. There’s more to a good relationship than just sex. You need to start thinking about the future because at the rate you're going, you’re going to end up hurt, alone, and depressed. Hopefully, I’ve shed some light on this subject for you.
Dedan Tolbert is the founder/CEO of TB&D Enterprises, LLC and advice columnist for Suavv Magazine, Maelan Magazine, Infinite Magazine, Blaque Magazine, Big Time Publishing Magazine, The FlowLive.Com, and KishaGreenOnline.com.
He is also the author of the award-winning novel, The Love We Had... and the upcoming novel, Ask Dedan: Sex, Dating & Relationships- Volume I, available July 27th!
Ordering information is available at Dedan's website! |
